COUPLES AND FAMILY SERVICES
Relationship Counselling, Marriage Counselling, Couple Counselling & Relationship Coaching - Relationship Enrichment - Sex Therapy and Love-Making Training for Couples - Family Therapy and Step Family Counselling - Adolescent Counselling and Coaching - Consultations
Relationship Counselling, Marriage Counselling, Couple Counselling & Relationship Coaching
What Are These Services?
Relationship counselling includes counselling for individuals who are experiencing difficulties in family, sexual, social or work relationships as well as counselling for married couples, defacto couples and dating couples (marriage counselling or couple counselling).
Marriage counselling/couple counselling is a confidential activity in which you and your partner pay a trained and experienced relationship counsellor to spend time listening to what each of you says, getting to know both of you and developing an understanding of your particular circumstance,s and offering you both support, insight and encouragement through:
- Helping each of you to discover ways to look at things that make life easier for you both
- Assisting you to behave or respond to situations or each other in a way that works better for the relationship as well as yourselves
- Empowering both of you to create new strategies and solutions for your relationship.
Relationship counselling for individuals is similar to marriage and couple counselling in terms of process and goals. However, instead of working with a couple, it entails working with one person who has concerns about family, sexual, social or work relationships.
Relationship coaching involves teaching a couple or individual effective skills which can be used to enhance their relationships (e.g. marriage enrichment) or provide tools to prevent difficulties developing in the future (e.g. pre-marriage counselling/coaching). It also involves teaching people about the unconscious relationship dynamics that can lead to difficulties. Forewarned is forearmed.
Who Can Benefit From Relationship Counselling , Marriage Counselling, Couple Counselling or Relationship Coaching?
Almost everyone can benefit from relationship coaching. Why? Because it is better to learn how to prevent problems than to wait until they develop and then try to deal with them. It is also easier to resolve conflicts when they first develop and there is relatively little ill feeling than to address the issue years down the track when the situation has escalated.
Very few of us have any idea what a really harmonious relationship actually looks like because we were not involved in one when we were growing up. If our parents had a bad marriage, we only learned how to do what doesn't work. If our parents never argued or raised their voices, we only learned how to have a conflict avoidance marriage.
Nor were we taught how to have a harmonious loving relationship outside of the home. Our schools gave us intellectual and physical education, but not emotional education.
Very few of us learned to resolve conflict respectfully and lovingly. Very few of us grew up learning that an harmonious loving adult relationship involves two people respecting and trusting each other, being able to communicate clearly and honestly, and having equal rights, opportunities and responsibilities. Many of us expect our partners to know instinctively what we want and need. In reality, we must respectfully communicate our wants, needs and expectations in order to increase the probability that they will be met.
Some of us feel that we've had a basically good life but are unexpectedly caught in the anguish of indecision, blame, guilt, fear or grief and want to gain clarity so we can move forward in our lives and/or decide whether to stay in or get out of a painful relationship. Others of us have been so traumatized or abused in our childhood/infancy that nurturing and supportive relationships seem like an impossible dream.
For all the above reasons, most of us could benefit from some relationship training.
Sometimes people don't recognize some of the early warning signs of relationship breakdown until it is too late. Here are some of these early warning signs:
- Not spending time together
- Not understanding each other's perspective
- Breakdown in communication or extended silence
- Reoccurring arguments which are never resolved
- Conflicting goals, expectations and values
- Feelings of dissatisfaction and unhappiness
- Arguments over money
- Feeling neglected by the partner's preoccupation with outside interests
- Sexual difficulties
- Arguments about work and career issues
- Complaints of no longer being attracted to or in love with partner
- Arguments over parenting
- One partner becoming emotionally/sexually involved with someone else
- Unresolved issues that can't be spoken about
- Fatigue, lack of motivation and passive resistance
- Lack of respect
- Lack of affection and warmth
- Inability to trust the partner
- One partner addicted to alcohol, drugs or gambling
- Unresolved issues around illness, accident, disability or trauma
- Responsibilities are not equally shared
- Undue influence of parents or ex-partner
- Any bullying, coercion, or verbal or physical abuse
People often hope that if they ignore a problem that it will go away. Unfortunately the reverse is usually true. Early effective help/education/training can make a big difference to the quality of our relationships.
Does Relationship, Couple and Marriage Counselling/Coaching Work?
Conventional relationsip/marriage counselling is definitely not as effective as we would like. There is more relationship and marriage counselling available in Australia today than ever before, but the divorce rate is still rising, and that is the tip of the iceberg. We all know lots of defacto couples and non-live-in partners who separate. An important factor in this lack of effectiveness is the fact that most relationship counselling is an activity between the intellects of the relationship counsellor and one or both of the partners in the relationship. This is just a professional effort at what we've already tried to do ourselves - talk our problems through.
This often fails because our relationship problems are irrational, that is, they are emotional rather than intellectual. For this reason, effective relationship, couple and marriage counselling frequently involves experiential approaches which reprogram the emotional centre of our brain - the limbic brain and effective relationship coaching teaches people techniques which can successfully reprogram the emotional patterns learned before they could think or talk, patterns which unconsciously interfere with maintaining relationship harmony.
However, there are as many ways to assist relationships as there are people wanting that assistance and while accelerated emotional release of somatic memories of early unconscious trauma in a safe supportive environment has proved helpful to many, others want to experience unconditional acceptance so that they can develop enough trust to get close to another human being.
Based on experimental psychology research, clinical hypnosis and various somatic psychotherapies, Accelerated Emotional Release evolved out of Linda Edwards' counselling psychology doctoral research. In her private practice, she has found that it can be effective in quickly resolving relationship difficulties. Linda also encourages people to use it as a self-help tool to deal with many minor difficulties as they arise. For further information, go to the self-help page of this site and read or download reprints of Linda's published articles "Releasing the stored Emotions That Cripple Your Life" and "Healing Relationships Through Nurture".
What if My Partner Won't Go to marriage Counselling or Relationship Coaching With Me?
Even if your partner is uninterested in couple counselling or relationship coaching, it is still worthwhile for one person to learn the skills for resolving their own issue in the relationship so that they can experience peace rather than turmoil. Then, when people discover that their partner is suddenly not upset by things that have bothered them for months or years, they are often keen to experience some of the same benefits themselves. If this does not happen, you will still benefit. You will have gained the clarity to know how to act in the best interests of yourself and the other important people in your life.
Relationship Enrichment
Unfortunately many people go to couple therapy when things are so bad that they are about to split up. However it is much easier to prevent deterioration of a relationship than to salvage it once it has gone off the rails. For this reason, many people who feel they are coping reasonably well want to focus on the enrichment of their relationships and some even consciously choose to do it as a vehicle for personal or spiritual development. These people are usually well rewarded for their efforts. Relationship coaching is a good option for relationship enrichment.
Sex Therapy and Love-Making Training for Couples
Sexual difficulties are related to intimacy difficulties and/or a misunderstanding about how long-term sexuality actually works. Most of us have been reared on a good dose of Hollywood movies and this is usually only effective in the short-term. For this reason, a little re-education, homework exercises and dealing with relationship issues, usually resolves most sexual problems such as impotence, loss of chemistry, and vaginismus. For further information see the article "Making Love Last" which you may read or down-load from the self-help page of this site. If you would like further education/training or assistance in this area, Linda is certified to provide training in love-making for couples.
Family Therapy and Step-Family Counselling
Linda has experience in assisting both families and step-families to achieve a comfortable resolution of their difficulties. Once again, issues are better dealt with before they become too serious. But even in difficult cases, a good outcome can be achieved if there is genuine good will amongst all members of the family.
Adolescent Counselling and Coaching
Fortunately, young people are not as set in their ways as older folks and because of this, Linda finds that they usually resolve their issues quite fast with a bit of appropriate assistance. For further details on the matters that can be dealt with through counselling and hypnotherapy and the approaches used, click on the "Services for Individuals" page of this website. For further information on the life coaching approach which can be used with adolescents, click on the "life Coaching and Career Mentoring" page.
Consultations
Availability of Consultations
Consultations are held in the Camberwell, Canterbury, Surrey Hills, Burwood area of Melbourne by appointment during business hours and after hours (Saturdays). However, please note that our reception is usually only available during normal business hours.
Currently, there is a waiting list for new clients of between two and eight weeks. Therefore, it is extremely important that you let us know as soon as possible if you cannot keep your appointment so we can offer the time to someone on the waiting list. If you can give us 48 hours notice of your intention to change or cancel your appointment, there will be no cancellation fee. If you cannot give us 48 hours notice, let us know as soon as possible and we will waive the cancellation fee if someone else is able to use your appointment time.
If you need help to deal with an abusive or dangerous situation, call Violence Against Women 24 hours Helpline on 1800 200 526, Women's Domestic Violence Crisis Service of Victoria on 1800 015 188 or Child Abuse Prevention Services on 1800 688 009 or Centre Against Sexual Assault on 9344 2210.
How Many Consultations Will I Need?
The majority of people seeking couple, family or adolescent counselling require 2 to 6 sessions. All sessions are long (60 minutes, sometimes longer). In most cases, the first session involves history taking, discussion of procedures for dealing with your issues and discovering whether everyone is likely to be able to work together effectively.
Fees
To eliminate account-keeping costs, we require payment at the time of the consultation. There is a $10 administration fee for late payment.
Our fees reflect the quality of our service and are close to the Australian Psychological Society recommended fee. The fee for a 60 minute session during normal business hours is $195. An additional fee of $30 applies to after hours consultations.
Payment may be made by cash, cheque, money order, Visa or Mastercard. To cover bank charges, there is a $5 convenience charge for using a credit card.
Our services are GST free.
Rebates
Those entitled to psychology rebates from Health Funds usually claim a refund of between 20% and 90% depending on which ancillary or 'extras' schedule they have chosen. Ask your Health Fund for details.
Medicare rebates do not apply to couple counselling. Medicare pays rebates for G.P. referred psychology treatment for mental illness only.
Copyright Dr Linda Edwards 2001-2007, Art of Living Psychology. (Consulting Rooms are in Melbourne in the Camberwell, Surrey Hills, Burwood and Canterbury region, also serving Ashburton, Balwyn, Box Hill, Glen Iris, Hawthorn, Kew and Malvern).
